I sent this email to my boyfriend last night - just had to share it on the blog. It's the small simple things that define, redefine and keep us challenged and growing on this walk with God. Sharing our experiences (that may seem trivial to everyone else but that are really life and death to you - even for a split second!) is of uttermost importance. So this post is one of those... I had a momentary loss of focus and it completely threw me off - but just one look back at my Rock and Guide and everything's perfect :D
From the time I was like Nelly's age (8) or younger, the day before school started my mum would pray for us and just speak into our lives and our up-coming term and I would always know everything would go well because SHE prayed. She'd encourage us and tell us we will do great etc and I ALWAYS felt peaceful after that. So school started today - Monday - and on Saturday evening I was thinking about this (last) semester and for some reason I kept feeling uneasy - and slightly fearful about it.. And all I desperately wanted was to be at home having my mum tucking me in bed and telling me it was gonna be OK, that I would do great and pray for me...Anyway when I woke up yesterday (Sunday) morning I asked God to speak to me in the (Church) service and let me know He had my back... To confirm to me that the peace I felt after my mum used to pray was not based on HER being the one who was doing the praying... But rather the fact that HE was the One giving me the peace... During the service we sang one of my favourite hymns - "It is well" and at that moment, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that He was saying it to me. No questions asked - I knew at that exact moment the semester would be perfect. That He would guide and keep me and make sure I do great... And I just had this excitement overwhelm me at that point And crazy peace just came over me...
Funny thing though is now fast-forward to the evening (Sunday) where I started to feel like I needed to hear from my mum again.. To have her say what I thought I HAD to hear for me to be peaceful, OK and great...So there I was, on the phone with her in no time. But the phone call didn't go as I hoped.. and 'sorta felt disappointed' is an understatement... My mum as well as dearest Nelly quoted a nice verse for me though.. 1st Thessalonians 5:16-18 and asked me to be encouraged and I appreciated it but... *sigh* ... didn't really feel it... And after that - I just wanted to burst into tears because I wasn't getting what (I thought) I needed.
So down and all, frustrated and really just scared frightened worried anxious for Monday, I'm busy packing my school stuff and getting the place organized when I randomly start going through my phone and I see my BBM status from earlier... 'It is well with my soul'...and at that moment I begin to just laugh at myself... It all came to me in some eureka epiphany!!
God had ALREADY given me the answer, the peace, the assurance that it is all gonna be great and here I was already panicking - because I'm so stuck on routine.. Here I am, taking my eyes off Him (like Peter walkin on water and starting to drown) and then going into distress, panic etc. Now don't get me wrong here - it's AMAZING to have people cheer you on... encourage you.. speak great things into your life and all BUT do not get so hooked to those voices that you forget WHO the actual giver of peace, success, motivation, victory (and all the good stuff) actually is. It's not about THEM... it's about Him and how what you're doing fits into His grand scheme of things.
U live, you learn, you grow.
God is amazing.. I'm excited for the semester coz He says it will be a grand one ;)
