Trying is not doing.

We try to find time for things we don’t want to do. We try to make it to places we don’t want to go and we try not to end up doing things we don’t want to do. On the other hand, in regard to our responsibilities,  we say we will try to do things we want to do, but don’t think/believe we are able to do.  A mouthful huh? I'll give you a moment to re-read that.

So what's the problem with our 'try' confessions? What happens when we try to do things? Well, often they don’t get done.

WHY?? The biggest reason: trying is not doing. Trying doesn’t work because it has built in doubt. When you say you are going to try something, you are implying that it isn’t going to be easy or natural. You are building in the expectation that it may not happen. When you start something thinking about how it may not happen, guess what, it may not and usually does not happen.

I hear this confession a lot with jobs, exercise, dieting, addictions, relationships and a long list of other changes that people want to make in their lives. These are all things we “want” to do, so it is funny to me that we keep trying to do them as opposed to just doing them. It’s funny because we continually tell ourselves that that we are trying or we are going to try. If we are just trying, we are simply saying that we don’t really want to do it or don’t think it will happen.

Think about a scenario with a group of friends, say when you organize a meeting. When someone is “going to try to stop by” are you waiting for them as if they said “YES, I’m coming”? No way. You are more likely to assume they are not coming. We hear the word 'try' and the tone of their excuse and conclude that they will not be coming. Not that trying means they automatically won’t come. If they do it will be a bonus, but we don’t expect them to come.

It’s the same thing when we do it to ourselves. When we say we are trying to do something that we want to do, we are just hoping we can do it. We are not planning to do it or better yet…doing it. Therefore, when something doesn’t get done, we already have the excuse ready: “oh well, I’ll try that again later”.

Unfortunately, trying can become a habit. When that happens, it only gets more difficult to stop trying and start doing.

QN: What are you ‘trying’ in your life as opposed to ‘doing’?

Written August 5, 2013